I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
