You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
