whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
