So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize