My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
