apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
