you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
