broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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