Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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