My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
