I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
