Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
