I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
