I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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