I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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