I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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