Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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