i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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