Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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