I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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