I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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