If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
