yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize