I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize