he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His hands were made for my vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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