Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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