my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
