somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
