You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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