Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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