obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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