If that was your dad, he is hot
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
