All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
17 year olds will be the death of me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
