i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
