I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
