Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
