i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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