i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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