i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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