if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
