i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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