you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
