the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
