I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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