Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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