just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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