do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
