I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
