I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
