I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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