Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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