it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
