dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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