Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
