Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize