After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
