at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
