I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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