The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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