i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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