are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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