she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
