Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize