toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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