whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
