I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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