I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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