we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
