Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
