Michael Bay diarrhea
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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