pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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