I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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