how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't deserve a penis
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
