I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
